Article Title

Of Vowels and Things


John Foster


Some years ago I was in hospital for an operation and every morning at some point a bright young nurse came in to ask if my vowels had moved yet. The reason for this strange request was not immediately obvious, for the answers "yes," "no," "purple," "broccoli," "42" and "Ford Prefect" all seemed to elicit the same noncommittal response. But I'm not stupid, I knew what they were after. If my vowels were to move far enough to actually transpose then my surname would become FESTOR, obviously undesirable in one recovering from surgery. You can be very sure I maintained a close watch on my name-tag to detect any early signs of movement.